love for the first time?

i wonder where this comes from
Do guys really notice me this much? I never really think that guys notice how i look. I don't get dressed up for any guy to notice me, i just get dressed and look nice during the day for me. i like to look good and flirt with guys....but is that a crime? i mean i never really think what they're saying is serious...i always take everything as a joke. maybe thats cuz i was the girl in high school that never had a boyfriend and i think thats because nobody wants me. I don't know. cassie said that all our guy friends drool over me and they talk and act differently with me...oh yeah and i fall for it everytime. I don't know what i'm falling for. It's just harmless fun right? I mean if i joke around with Hollywood i don't think its a bad thing. its the kind of relationships i have with guys. I dunno its just the way i am. AND the guy at CVS that hit on me when i was with Cassie. Later when we brought it up she said "He looked right past the brunette and noticed the blonde".....well i'm sorry is that all i am is blonde? I don't think so. I told Hollywood and he said something that made me feetel so much better. He said "Its not all about looks,did it ever occur to her we like hanging out with you because of your personality?"....i was like THANK GOD he's saying this cuz it made me feel so much better. It made me feel like not just the stupid pretty blonde. I actually have a fun,likeable personality. Maybe i am fun to talk to and not just to look at.It's happened so many times before with girls and i'm absolutely sick of it. I know these girls that it happens with are insecure, but so am i. its not like i'm this pretty girl that thinks she's so much better than everybody else. I am just as insecure about the way i look as everybody else. I wake up in the morning and say "i wanna look good" just like every other person on earth. The trick is to acting like you have all the confidence in the world. It works wonders and people are fooled. I mean why make yourself vulnerable when you can be strong and confident? Anyway i hope this all blows over soon and things can go back to the way they were before. I dont' like beinng the victim of all the jealousy because it really hurts me. I am more than a pretty face. I am a smart, lovable, loving girl. I just hope everybody can see that.

Current Mood: drained